i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
