i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
