There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
