I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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