We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
