i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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