Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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