I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
