Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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