I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
