i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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