yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
