we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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