you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
