I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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