she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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