yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
