my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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