um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
