I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
