Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
