wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
