his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
