She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
