So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
