yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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