actually, I'm a sock model
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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