just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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