i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
