Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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