If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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