why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
