day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
