Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
