btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
