So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
