id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
