All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
