you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
