So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
