i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
