And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
