I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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