I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
