whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
