Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You can't just leave with hair like that
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
