I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
