The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
