I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
