if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I love you. Go after that dick
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
