I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
