I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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