He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Randomize
