This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
